Top Five Gifts for that Special Unemployed Someone

Have an unemployed guy or gal in your life with a birthday coming up? Or perhaps you just want to lift his or her spirits after countless years of fruitless job searching? Well, I may have just what the doctor ordered. I have compiled a list of what I think are perhaps some of the best pick-me-up gifts for the hopelessly unemployed.



#5 Mad Men Barbie Dolls

Thats right. Mattel has come out with a series of dolls based on the popular TV drama. While he or she may not have found the perfect job, or any job for that matter, pick up a couple of these babies and at least they can pretend they have a cushy job with a fictional 60s advertising agency. The best part is, they can be their own boss! Feel free to hire and fire the dolls for no reason at all, you call all the shots. The dolls will never tell.



#4 Championship Beer Pong Table

You know it! Nothing says "I am professionally unemployed" like a healthy drinking habit, and nothing takes you back to your law school days like taking that habit to the competitive level. Now you can take the sting out being unemployed by pretending you haven't actually graduated from law school yet! If you crave a more authentic experience, feel free to hang out in front of your local law school during the day, or even audit a few classes, to drum up recruits for the evening's festivities!



#3 Battling Bush Bop Bag

While these bad boys have been discontinued (gee, I wonder why?), I wholeheartedly encourage you to pick one or more up through E-bay. Although, I am not sure who would want to part with their personal stash. If you are fortunate enough to snag a Bush Bop Bag, imagine the countless hours of fun your unemployed guy or gal could have sticking it to one of the key figures responsible for our economic state of affairs! No reason you can't have fun either. The both of you can pummel the hell out of the Bush Bag by way of tag team matches. And, you can even make a point based drinking game for added fun!




#2 Any MMORPG

Lets face it, nothing is going to make you feel better about your joblessness than creating a fictional character who has all the power and gold you don't. Chances are that everyone who is online at 2pm is also going to be unemployed, so at least you will be in good company. Might I suggest LOTRO ... not that I play MMOs or anything.



#1 Canned Unicorn Meat

Why? No real reason other than its CANNED UNICORN MEAT! If anything this will brighten his or her day. I would be willing to wager that a few crunchy bites of horn laden meat will magically fortify you enough to give you that extra shine come interview time. Who knows? It may very well be the difference maker.

Worth Rolling the Dice on Temp Agencies?

As mentioned in a previous post, this is an issue I am presently struggling with. Whether or not you like it, choosing to take the temp agency leap of faith is a major gamble given the present state of our economy.

Why is it a gamble? For so many reasons, really. For one, the plethora of unemployed attorneys means that wages are lower, especially in the temp market. Expect to see entry level hourly rates of no more than $20 in major metropolitan areas. Moreover, chances are better than not temp positions do not provide benefits. Subtract at least 3-5k annually if health insurance is something you simply cannot live without. If you are planning to start a family, you should also weigh the fact that temp experience is not guaranteed to translate into permanent work. Lets face it, the minimum experience to be considered remotely marketable today is two years. No one can predict how long it will take for this to change, or if it ever will. Consider that when the legal job market received its last blow, in the early 90s, it took three plus years for any semblance of normalization. The magnitude of this recession is beyond comparison. If you have your heart set on having children or buying a home in the next few years, you had better look elsewhere.

Lets say that you tough it out, and gain a year or two of temp experience. There is no guarantee that experience will be looked upon favorably by prospective employers. Why not? Simply put, the chances of you doing any substantive legal work during your first year of temping is slim to none. You will most likely hold document review positions here and there. Now I spoke with a senior hiring partner at a firm in New York, who was very candid in telling me that her firm does not consider document review experience to be desirable. In that context, understand you will also be competing against a whole host of candidates with substantive experience either in the form of clerkship or attorney work. I know of quite a few attorneys from my law school that have one and two years of clerkship experience, and have been unable to secure employment therefrom.

Lastly, it is important to bear in mind that if you are temping in the private sector and your loans enter repayment, low wages will likely force you to choose IBR (Income Based Repayment). If you are paying 15% of your AGI, then you will not be paying down your principal. Rolling the dice on temp work could very well mean increasing what you will have to repay. It is true that the government will pick up the balance of your student loans after 25 years of continuous payment. This is not as attractive, however, as the 10 years offered to those working in the public sector, and far riskier as well.

I am not telling anyone not to choose temp work. I am simply outlining the pros and cons of making such a decision. Unfortunately, at the moment there are far more cons than pros. Again, this is a decision I am reckoning with presently, and while I wholeheartedly desire to practice law, I may have to take my skills to public sector or elsewhere. I have to remember that the decision I make affects other peoples' lives. Staying in limbo and increasing my debt for the next few years may not be all that worthwhile.

Timing of SEC Porn Scandal

If the stories are true about a handful of SEC employees downloading porn on the agency dime, then undoubtedly they should be ashamed and held accountable for their actions. Without pointing fingers, it does seem, however, that certain media outlets are embellishing the magnitude of this "tragedy."

It just seems to me that the timing of this scandal is suspect to say the very least. Not even a week prior to this story breaking, the SEC filed fraud charges against Goldman Sachs. It is no big secret that former Goldman Sachs executives seem to find their way into powerful government positions upon retirement from the private sector, most notably of course with the Department of the Treasury.

I sincerely hope that we see some responsible journalism regarding the SEC lawsuit. While SEC employees downloading porn is certainly unacceptable, this issue outshining what could very well be a productive case against Goldman Sachs would be the real tragedy.

Litmus Test: Boston's Temp Agencies

Well I found something particularly interesting to burn on today. I am registered with a number of legal temp agencies in the greater Boston area, and I decided to give another one a shot this morning. After spending nearly $50.00 to fill my tank and park, I was told by a girl who seems at least a couple of years younger than me that my time as a licensed Massachusetts attorney is only worth $17.00 an hour. Now I never set out to make my millions practicing law. If you can believe it, I genuinely engaged the legal profession to help others. True story. But, with 180k in student loan debt, and factoring in commutation and living expenses, how can I possible manage to survive on $17.00 an hour? I was in all actuality making $15.00 an hour prior to starting college, and I would gladly take the $2.00 an hour pay cut now save the 180k in debt.

For those of you who can't be bothered with math, $17.00 an hour translates into almost 33k a year. Factor in paying for your own health insurance, and you have a whole lot less. Now to be fair, I was told by the nice girl I spoke with that these "entry level" review positions translate into good experience and often serve as entrées to better paying positions either through the agency or elsewhere in the private sector. While that may be true, this kind of exploitation gives "entry level" a whole new meaning. Now I will stop just shy of calling this attorney sweatshop labor, but I will, however, say that I have been starving as a student and digging myself into a massive hole for seven years. Isn't that enough suffering?

Out of all this there is a hint of silver lining. I managed to find out that temp positions are coming back after being entirely stagnant for the past year or so. Furthermore, this is usually a precursor to recovery. That piece of mind may have been worth my $50.00. However far off better times may be, we will though have to struggle with irreparably weakened wages. I should stress boys and girls, as much as it pains me to say it, that we are commodities. And, right now there are so many of us out of work, it makes GM's lots seem empty by comparison. Hopefully this 0% APR on our efforts won't last all that long...

The Unscrupulous Sallie Mae

I, like most graduating law students, was forced to dig myself further into debt by taking out a bar loan. Couple the insane costs of bar prep courses with the fact that you have to devote most of your waking time to exam preparation for roughly three months, and it is pretty much unavoidable. I had the severe misfortune, however, of choosing Sallie Mae for financing. And, I really didn't discover the error of my ways until after the initial grace period expired.

A couple of months ago, when I initially began the deferment process for my many student loans, I found it odd that I couldn't find the appropriate form for my Sallie Mae Bar Study Loan. After spending an ungodly amount of time dealing with outsourced representatives, I finally managed to convince a rep to transfer me to someone in the United States. I was then informed that Sallie Mae technically does not offer an unemployment deferment/hardship forbearance, but that I could take a "voluntary deferment" for three months at a cost to me of $50.00 per loan. The real kick is, they won't even add it onto your principle; if you want it deferred, you pay them now.

I really don't want to get into the private loan discussion. The fact is, other lending institutions that offer bar study loans do not resort to such unconscionable tactics. It is common sense not to. While these loans are technically "private," they are used for educational purposes and charging economically distraught individuals to defer their loans utterly lacks decency. This goes without saying even in economically better times. It is 100% foreseeable that some percentage of new attorneys will always struggle to find work. Pushing them in the direction of bankruptcy just seems counterintuitive.

My advice to anyone who has the displeasure of dealing with Sallie Mae is to write to your representatives and senators. It is true that Sallie Mae is insanely profitable, and if you are unaware of how deep their political influence runs, well then you have been living under a rock. We do, however, have to use what little voice we have. While our government is not very likely to curb the abuses of Sallie Mae and her lending brethren, if we spread the word enough we may be able to wish them out of existence. Put simply, don't do business with Sallie Mae, and tell everyone you come in contact with to follow suit. If I could, I would literally shout it from the rooftops.

As a side note: I expressed these concerns and more in a letter to Sallie Mae. It has been well over a month, and no response. Don't worry, I am not holding my breath.

Improvement in the Legal Job Market?

I was looking for a good way to kick off my blog, and since discussion about an improving legal job market, or an absence thereof, seem to be all the rage, why not take it in this direction?

I know that media outlets and attorneys alike seem to come down on either side of the improvement debate. I for one would love to see how these stances fall relative to employment, at least where attorneys are concerned. Flipping through commentary on the subject, it just seems that employed attorneys have a lot to say. I am sure that there are a few employed attorneys out there seeking to make lateral moves (although in this economy I am not sure exactly why). As a whole, however, can you really get an accurate feel for the state of a job market if you are not an active participant (i.e., job seeker)?

I won't try to dazzle you with statistics; mostly because they are tough to come by, and largely inaccurate if you can manage to dig some up. Most people reporting on the subject won't even try to codify the jobless numbers of roughly 1% of the economy (there I go breaking out some numbers), and law schools by and large are guarded about placement rates (I mean how can you justify tuition increases if you make these readily available?) I can, however, speak from personal experience. After getting admitted to the Bar, finding attorney jobs to apply for has been a struggle to say the very least. I know, I know, some of you will say that only a very insignificant number of available attorney jobs are advertised. True. I, like all of my unemployed class mates and fellow attorneys, send resumes to any and every law firm, agency, you name it, out there ... unfortunately to no avail. The bottom line is, unless you have at the minimum 2 years of experience and/or a small book of business, you are as they say "boned." Even if the given position is seeking 2+ years of experience, you better believe there is a sizable percentage of applicants waving around 7+.

The stark reality of the situation is that law firms are not withdrawing from campus recruiting for nothing. Further, many of those entry-level jobs of yesteryear are simply not there. Oh you know the ones - those in the public sector that non-top-tier graduates ultimately matriculated from into the private sector. Sure the stimulus has infused state budgets, but to bolster infrastructure. Lets face it, blue collar jobs account for a larger slice of the job market pie, and to be honest I for one am all for the stimulus.

As for my experience, I interned at the Attorney General's Office prior to graduation. I received praise for my work, but qualified with something like "we would love to extend an offer to you, but our budget has been cut," one of those. It wasn't simply that they weren't creating new positions either, but rather that even as people retired old positions were being dissolved. And, I have heard this very same story from many others. I have been officially unemployed for almost a year. My fiance, whom I met in law school, secured employment outside of the legal sector after two years. I know and am aware of a whole host of graduates from my school and others that are going into their third year of unemployment. You heard correctly. I did not stutter.

I don't want readers to get the feeling that this blog is going to be all gloom and doom ... well it is, but there will be bright spots here and there *fingers crossed.* I am simply a realist on the subject, and can't stand seeing the reality of the present state of affairs being glossed over.